Benjamin Schmitt
Dream Surfing
I have to tell you about this new thing, it’s called dream surfing. Basically your mind catches a thought, emotion, memory, image, or sensation and you ride that wave for as long as you can before crashing on the beach of consciousness. Be warned, one has no idea how dream surfing waves will break. The topography of a fight with your spouse combined with the weather of a bad tuna fish sandwich could lead to some terrifying waves. Or they could be delightful. There is really no way of knowing. So I suppose there is some risk involved. But let me tell you, once those waves start breaking a certain way, it’s worth it. Today I remembered how an artist friend in my youth smoked clove cigarettes. I rode in a parade of that smell, a king dressed in the most splendid finery as the beautiful consorts of the court laughed together and servants carried thuribles of pleasant incense. Then I woke up just long enough to catch the wave of my first memory, my parents reading Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman to me when I was two. The book felt so big; the baby bird leaving the nest for the first time, getting lost, meeting strange creatures. The darkness of that wave closed in around me until I saw a charm of goldfinches fluttering, mothering me in warmth and light. I woke up again with the somnambulant sands of a new perception clinging to my back and neck. Now there are a couple things to note. Dream surfing should only be attempted during the day; preferably early afternoon, shortly after a big lunch. Attempts to dream surf at night may result in the fits and starts of a murderous schizophrenic. Some people may malign dream surfing by saying it is merely napping. But these are the same people who only like the music of Nina Simone because they heard it in a Starbucks. So if you’re looking for an escape or a new destination, you should try catching a (thought, emotion, memory, image, sensation) wave sometime. I assure you, your time will be wasted.
Twitter Feud
My heart is in a Twitter feud with my mind
commentators say epic shade is being thrown
but I’m too old to understand all that
my heart has a lot more Twitter followers
I mean it’s like in the millions
so personally I think my mind is just using my heart’s popularity
to gain some exposure
leeching like that
seems like something my mind would do
my heart really took it to the next level though
when he called my mind pedantic
it didn’t need to go there
he was answered with forty-four tweets
all sent in a fifteen-minute time period
each one naming a different girl
and calling my heart a lothario
my heart responded with a single picture
of my mind reading the tabloids
and the caption real intelligence
my mind claims the image is photoshopped
and is threatening legal action
this is getting out of hand
I’m hoping it fizzles out soon
I’m not quite sure how it all started exactly
you see my mind only writes poetry
for the movie deals
and my heart is inspired by the graffiti
in bathroom stalls
so there have been many disagreements
in the past
but nothing like this rage
now their feud is trending all over the world
it’s being used to sell casseroles
and shoes
I hear my mind might give
a Tedx Talk in Arkansas
my heart might sew a stuffed animal
of a creature that’s never been seen
so maybe we’re all wounded and happy
in the conflicts that keep us living
but nevertheless we are still confused
and we don’t know what to do with the silence
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